being replaced: A lady's worst nightmare

[O.J. SimSim]

Respects Brothas and Sistas
Due to the restrictions imposed upon us by society which prevent direct contact between male and female unless their m7rm to each other, I have always found it impossible to hear directly the point of view and most important the reasons behind the point of view of a female regarding what she might think if her husband decided one day to marry another wife and bring her a (durrah) in the house. I have an initial idea from asking this question to my mother and relatives (curse him, may Allah take him, may Allah take his health......). These are just examples of their reaction. But what do the sisters in here think? If their reaction is the same as that of my Mom and relatives, Is it OK if I can ask why and what are their concerns. Isn't this part of our religious teachings. The wives of that HAJJ MATAWALLI guy didn't give a dam (just joking)........

Although I can never imagine myself marrying more than one wife (too many cooks spoil the pie as they say), some excuses behind marrying a second wife do appear understandable in certain cirumstances such as because of illnes of the first wife or the need for children (not for me although). So what do you ladies think? Isn't multiple marrige the solution to 3anoosah (I haven't got a clue of what its called in English) and which has destroyed the lives of so many girls in our country and still counting.doesn't multiple marriges solve many of the social problems that 3anoosah may lead to? Shouldn't the interests of the society as a whole be put before your own personal interests? And is not doing that considered selfish in such circumstances given the rise of 3anoosah in our society.

The internet gives us males and females a wonderful opportunity to get to know each others views more directly:rolleyes: :rolleyes: and closely. Sorry if my thread is little tooo long. But its a very intersting issue that calls for mutual understanding


TAke care guys, I'm going to give my fingers a rest

Bye


;) ;)

[مدينيه عسل]

"You will never be able to deal justly between wives however much you desire. But do not turn altogether away , leaving her in suspense..." (Qur'an 4:129) .

This verse from the Qur'an says that a person is unable to deal justly between wives, thus giving permission but discouraging. Obviously , it is not an easy matter for a man to handle two wives, two families, and two households and still be just between the two. No man of reasonable intelligence would enter into this situation without a great deal of thought and very compelling reasons (other than sexual).
As we know , Islam does not impose polygamy as a universal practice. The Prophet (peace be upon him ) himself was a monogamist for the greater part of his married life, from the age of twenty-five when he married Khadija until he was fifty when she died. Then he entered into other marriages to promote friendships, create alliances or to be an example of some lesson to the community; also to show the Muslims how to treat their spouses under different conditions of life.

Personally , I'd rather not to get married ( at all ) than being the second miserable wife:( b27: and to be honest with you I don't think that one day I'll accept that my husband will marry another woman (( God forbid )) . Thats why I'll ask my husband to put into the marriage contract that he'll not marry another wife unless I'm approving . Otherwise , he should divorce me .

In my opinion , any man should not plan C4:to marry another wifeC1: unless his wife is unable to have children or choronically sick disabled:( ( if he cann't accept that ) .


Wish ya ahappy marriage
;)

[O.J. SimSim]

3sl how R U doin
Thank you very much for being so honest. However, to be honest myself I really did expect this sort of reply from almost everyone, but the main issue here is why? Can such action if it were to be taken from your future husband be understood that you are no longer attractive? or is it fear that the whole of his attention will switch to the new wife? As I said, I'm not into this stuff, however, I fail to understand why Ladies in general and prior to any real experience of this nature go on from the very begining and close the door. Who know's, maybe the 2 might become the best of friends (I said maybe).. l

Regards Uall

[مدينيه عسل]

Dear O.J. SimSimb13:

You are asking why ? .Well ,the answer is simply that it's not a nice idea to share my husband's love with another womand5: .
In short , it is the Woman's Jealous Obsessionb28: which prevent any woman from accepting that there is another woman who is going to steal her husband's love and attention .C6:



My very best wishes to all of u ;)

[Utopia]

Hey O.J. and Madenyah how u doing..
O.J. u know what whenever i hear bout (Durrah) i lose my temperb4: .. i really can't stand this idea.. so i agree with Madenyah 200%

But don't u think that solving al3nosaha problem wont brought us any side effects:confused: ..
i think we will face the hardest problem ever,which is divorce
Most of the females can't accept sharin' their huzy's with another woman and will refuse livin' with him anymore and the result is divorce..

Isn't it better to have 3wanes in our homes rather than havin' divorced women?
which problem is easire to recover socially?
regardin' our social view to the divorced women i will say havin' 3wanes is much better

[Utopia]

Hey O.J. and Madenyah how u doing..
O.J. u know what whenever i hear bout (Durrah) i lose my temperb4: .. i really can't stand this idea.. so i agree with Madenyah 200%

But don't u think that solving al3nosaha problem wont brought us any side effects:confused: ..
i think we will face the hardest problem ever,which is divorce
Most of the females can't accept sharin' their huzy's with another woman and will refuse livin' with him anymore and the result is divorce..

Isn't it better to have 3wanes in our homes rather than havin' divorced women?
which problem is easire to recover socially?
regardin' our social view to the divorced women i will say havin' 3wanes is much better

Regards :D

[Utopia]

Guyz am sorry ..didn't mean flodding :D but as i said i lost my temper

Regards

[O.J. SimSim]

UTOPIA UTOPIA UTOPIA Sista take it easy. U might get a heart-attack. Joking joking. C'mon ladies there is no need to be :mad: , its just a question of priorities, however, I am almost 100% sure that no man gives a sh** about the issue of 3anoosah when he decides to remarry. Its just an excuse. such as saying your going to the toilate when you actually want to have a cigrate or say you have plans when some pain in the a** says hese coming to your place for coffee. However, the ill use of this advantage if its right to call it an advantage in no way strips it of its noble objectives. That is to safegaurd our moral values. Any way if it wasn't right Allah would not have permitted it. From my point of view I think that its just a psychological barrier that any strong woman can overcome after some time of course. C'mon girls u have shared many things in life, why not share your Husy Buzy. The brother of a friend of mine whose by the way in his early 30s and is married to 2 wives has told us once that its fun (2 B honest I don't trust him). You get lots of competition he says when it comes to cooking, dressing and even, a7m a7m, lingerie. The old school against the new one. How entertaining ( to the man of course).


But in the end none of you girlz expressed her concerns. What R U afraid of. is there an impression that any one who marry's a second wife is a backward person, or is it just that the lady may think that she is not attractive any more

[Utopia]

He O.J. c'mon u know am kiddin' but still hate the idea itself Goshhhhh.. i pray day and night just to be away far far away from havin' this situation EhE EHE EHE .. wallahy its hard ...

Regards

[O.J. SimSim]

UTOPIA Sista whats up
Don't U worry dear. I'm sure your knight in shining armour will come to pick you up some day and inshallah he will be as kind and bright as you are


Catch U later
:) :) :) :)

[NaSa]

Hi
I'm a new member here am I
welcomed,
thankx
now I can say why I would not agree if my man would go for another lady!!!!
Because I feel the same feeling that a man could feel when he sees his wife with another man!!!

[O.J. SimSim]

NaSa welcome to the show. I hope you have a wonderful time here
with regard to your opinion, I think that the difference between the two situations is that one is 7alal while the other is not. I really do understand the way women feel, but what can U do, its there, and the only thing you can do is hope that your husband doesn't resort to it. Me personally I have never even thought of marrying more than one wife, because it is hard to manage and second I would like my childern to be raised in a calm and stable atmosphere where they get to live there lives normally and with both parents, not to get raised by a guy who comes on a day after day basis and whose hart is seperated between two houses:( :( :( :(

[NaSa]

Thanks Simsim for your complements, you seem smart and alert.

I would like here to tell all men that a piece of paper has nothing to do with feelings otherwise we would have had a perfect world.

I know the situation is different between Haram and Halal, but I'm describing the feeling of it as a metaphor. For example if I say Simsim has a sweet face, I don’t expect all the members rush to lick your face. (Kidding).

Other point of view: W.I.F.H, yes, what's in it for her:

*It is his right to get another wife for himself only; he is not bringing home candies for the kids or a gift for the mother.

*The third party is sharing eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevery thing the man, the time, the money, vacations, invitations, and the supply.

*The man will not be able to give quality time for his children, regarding education, behavior and observation,

*Children will chose that day their father in the second house for their personal desire, especially boys who are ready at early age to be exposed to the street.
(I remember a lady called the second wife asking her to speak to her husband regarding an emergency car accident to his 17y boy. The second wife refused saying it’s my day!!! When the first wife pigged her to let him come she simply said no he should be here in case something happens to my children too.)
Don’t blame the second wife here, because he splits every thing between two houses.

*If the second wife has a disease it will be spread among them, then the tree of them must be checked and add more expenses on the family cost and health care.
More and more.

*If the second wife is rich and can bring to her kids things the first one can not get for her kids that could be affecting the kids who don’t know the situation around them.

One father one mother and children if one is not on the list you can look for replacement then.

I wish you all a happy life with one partner.